In Celebration Of April Fool’s Day, Here Is A List Of Fake Whiskeys We Wish Were Real

Who are we fooling?

In an era of dubious reports, general hijinx, and subverted truth, everyone’s antenna is up more than usual for April Fool’s Day. But that’s okay! We aren’t trying to pull any tricks with this list. Instead, we decided to come up with several 100% fake (for now) bottles of whiskey that we wish were real. Hey, with limited edition whiskeys hitting liquor store shelves at an unprecedented clip, can you blame us for dreaming? Consider this our way of celebrating the holiday spirit while keeping it real with you, as always.

Good humor goes a long way, and good whiskey helps it go down smoothly.

So we’re doing away with the gags, practical jokes, and pranks and putting our greatest wishes out into the universe instead. Who knows? Maybe one day, these imaginary expressions will make it into consumers’ hands.

You can start saving up now, but please don’t take any wooden nickels. These are the fake whiskeys we wish were real for April Fool’s Day!

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Four Roses Rye

The Idea:

Four Roses Bourbon famously has a portfolio of 10 bourbon-exclusive recipes, but fans have been clamoring for years to see the brand expanded to include rye whiskey. With the recent news that Four Roses is adding two new mash bills, thus doubling their recipe combinations, we know we can expect all-new bourbons from the brand in the future, but adding rye to the lineup would tickle us pink.

April Fool Scale: Don’t Hold Your Breath

When I recently met with Four Roses Master Distiller Brent Elliott, I asked him directly whether rye whiskey was in the brand’s future plans. He gave me a variation of every whiskey-maker’s favorite answer: “We’ve considered everything you can think of, but there are no immediate plans to produce a rye.”

You’d be April foolish to expect this one any time soon. Even the brand’s new bourbon recipes are barely a year into production, which means we won’t see them for at least another three years. Stop and smell the Four Roses you’ve already got because a Four Roses Rye in the next 4-5 years seems like a long shot.

Weller Zero Proof

The Idea:

The Weller lineup is insanely popular with consumers. It also seems to have ballooned in the past few years, adding Full Proof, C.Y.P.B., and a Single Barrel offering to the classic lineup alongside Daniel Weller and Weller Millennium on the premium end of the spectrum.

What if the brand added something for the sober curious among us that could also serve as a mixer with other Weller offerings to round them out? Enter: Weller Zero Proof.

April Fool Scale: A Limestone Water Gathers No Moss

Little known fact: Weller once offered a “zero proof” bottle in the past — known in some circles as water. Buffalo Trace has already got the limestone water on hand, but an N/A Weller? We will go out on a limb and say this one is pretty improbable.

Maker’s Mark High Rye Bourbon

The Idea:

Keeping in line with the theme of taking existing expressions and offering a slight tweak, we present Maker’s Mark High Rye Bourbon! Maker’s Mark is famous for having exactly ONE wheated mash bill that they use to produce all of their whiskeys, but what if they cut back on the wheat in their recipe to make room for higher rye content? We can’t promise that it would match the classic taste of standard Maker’s Mark, but we can promise to review it if it ever gets made!

April Fool Scale: Full Clown Car

Maker’s Mark has more or less been making bourbon one way for 71 years. They don’t need me meddling with that process with a hair-brained idea about a new mash bill. Still, ever since releasing experiments like the DNA Series and expanding their lineup with expressions like Maker’s 46 and Cellar Aged, I can’t help but hope that more new things could be on the horizon.

I just don’t think it’s at all likely.

Blanton’s Antique

The Idea:

This idea, in one form or another (Elmer T. Lee Antique, anyone?), has been making the rounds on bourbon forums, Facebook groups, and cheeky TikTok clips for years, but it still hasn’t happened. Does that mean I’ve given up hope? Well…kind of, but the idea still holds appeal! Add Blanton’s to the Buffalo Trace Antique Collection, then kick back and watch the taters go crazy.

You’re all welcome.

April Fool Scale: When Buffalos Fly

Most casual consumers don’t know that Age International, not Buffalo Trace, owns the Blanton’s brand. Does that in itself preclude Buffalo Trace from one day adding Blanton’s to the Buffalo Trace Antique Collection lineup? I have to imagine that’s part of the deal because it’s a no-brainer of an idea we’d have seen by now if the distillery had no restrictions.

Also, in fairness, Buffalo Trace does produce Blanton’s Straight From The Barrel, which maintains the brand’s iconic bottle design while offering the liquid at cask strength, which is what we assume “Blanton’s Antique” would be presented as anyway.

Wild Turkey Cheesy Silver Foil

The Idea:

America doesn’t even use the gold standard anymore, so why should Wild Turkey?

In the brand’s storied history, a version of its 12-year bourbon, bottled at 101 proof and known colloquially as “Cheesy Gold Foil,” continues to stand the test of time as one of Wild Turkey’s best expressions ever. As such, we’d love to see the brand follow up with a second release of C.G.F. with silver foil instead of the original gold. The second release, in silver foil…get it?

April Fool Scale: That Turkey Don’t Hunt

While rumors continue to swirl that Wild Turkey may one day revisit a domestic release of 12-year 101-proof bourbon, perhaps even with a gold foil, I’d be shocked if they swapped precious metals for the label design. It tracks conceptually, but it’s highly improbable in practice.

Mellow Corn Cask Strength

The Idea:

This is a pretty simple idea that a large subset of Heaven Hill fans can get behind: Mellow Corn at Cask Strength. Do I really need to say more? The same whiskey that goes into Mellow Corn was released in 2023 at 20 years of age and 115 proof under the Heritage Collection umbrella, and despite checkered feedback, standard Mellow Corn continues to carry the full-throated support of bottled-in-bond whiskey lovers.

April Fool Scale: Get Me To Cob’s Country

Like my idea for Weller Zero Proof, one advantage of this idea is that the brand is already essentially producing the liquid. Whether or not they’ll actually release it (or follow through on rumored plans to add Mellow Corn Bottled-in-Bond to its single-barrel program) is entirely in the hands of Heaven Hill’s decision-makers. But this is one of the easier-to-imagine items on this list.

Michter’s 30-Year Bourbon

The Idea:

Here’s another straightforward idea that’s infinitely more difficult to execute.

We’ve already got Michter’s 10-Year Single Barrel Bourbon, slated to make its return this spring, and last year’s Michter’s 20-Year Bourbon ended up as our bourbon of the year for 2024.
While it’s been a while since they’ve released it, we’ve also been graced with a 25-year-old Michter’s in previous years, and Michter’s Sour Mash Celebration reportedly has barrels that are 30+ years old in the blend, so why not go up one last level and produce a Michter’s 30?

April Fool Scale: Try Rubbing A Genie’s Lamp

We don’t know if Michter’s has more 30-year-old whiskey ready to go, but we know they’ve had it in the past, and they’ve gotten pretty damn close to a 30-year age statement already, so I’m hopeful they try their hand at making this expression a reality.

That said, Michter’s is one of the most thoughtful and patient whiskey brands in all of the land, and I wouldn’t put it past them to give an expression like this a try but if it doesn’t meet their standards then it’ll never see the light of day.

If you have any of those old-school Michter’s “King Tut” decanters, give it a rub and wish for this in the future.

Prince Of Kentucky

The Idea:

King of Kentucky is consistently one of the best bourbons released each year. The annual single-barrel expression has captured the hearts of almost everyone who’s tried it and the imagination of enthusiasts who haven’t yet enjoyed its riches. Well, what if Brown-Forman made a more accessible version of the King and changed that? I imagine Prince of Kentucky as either a small batch alternative or a slightly younger bourbon, still befitting of nobility but at a lower price point with broader availability.

April Fool Scale: The Court Jester Has Arrived

It’s a dirty little (open) secret, but scarcity creates value in the whiskey world, and despite its admittedly superlative quality, King of Kentucky benefits from that scarcity just like every other “limited edition” on the market. Given the fact that Brown-Forman already produces something akin to a “Prince of Kentucky” in the form of Early Times Bottled in Bond Bourbon, which uses the same mash bill but is a batched bonded product released at a younger age, I’m doubtful that they’d be interested in expanding the King’s court in this way.

Pikesville Single Barrel Rye

The Idea:

I often like to consider this thought experiment: “Which of my favorite whiskeys doesn’t have a single-barrel program?” For some reason, Heaven Hill has never offered Pikesville as a single barrel, but considering it’s their best everyday sipping rye, I’d be keen on seeing that change.

April Fool Scale: Keep Knocking On Heaven’s Door

I’ve floated this idea while in the presence of Heaven Hill higher-ups, who are typically tight-lipped and repeat every distillery’s favorite stock answer regarding future releases: “We haven’t ruled anything out.”

In decoding that non-answer, here’s my takeaway: if financial interests and barrel inventory align to make this possible, we could very well see it. Or maybe we never will. Can my guardian angel take up the cause?

Michter’s 10-Year Toasted Single Barrel Bourbon

The Idea:

Michter’s is hands down one of my favorite brands, and I love the breadth of their portfolio. A few keys to their production process include their custom filtration process, low barrel entry proofs, and penchant for low-ABV offerings. While most enthusiasts’ instinctively want their whiskey as undiluted as possible, I’m a big believer in Michter’s production practice.

That said, I’d love to see them execute a combination of things they do best (finishing with toasted barrels and custom filtering their beautiful 10-year bourbon) to create Michter’s 10-Year Toasted Single Barrel Bourbon.

April Fool Scale: The Glass Is Half Full

Again, we have an idea that is technically possible, given the whiskey Michter’s has and has already released, but there’s no telling if it will come to life. Master Distiller Dan McKee and Master of Maturation Andrea Wilson are two of the industry’s most talented people, and in tandem, they’ve produced some of the best whiskey we’ve seen over the past few years. You can bet your bottom dollar that this idea has crossed their minds, and because Michter’s is family-owned, it’s also possible that the idea has fallen on receptive ears.

We’d likely have to wait a while for the liquid to mature or for the idea to grow legs within the distillery’s walls. Still, if given a 50/50 chance of this one ever seeing the light of day, I’ll choose to be optimistic and say the glass is half full.

Older Cassidy

The Idea:

Old Cassidy was a runaway hit for 2024’s hottest brand, Rare Character, and I know that their liquid guru, Pablo Moix, is always tinkering with envelope-pushing ideas that honor American whiskey’s legacy while still surprising their fans. Last year, Rare Character launched Old Cassidy as a single barrel expression, selected by Frank Dobbins III (me), and we haven’t heard anything about the brand since then. Well, what if, in an effort to follow up on that wildly popular release, Old Cassidy returned in 2025 with a higher age statement?

The Scotch world has long hoodwinked American whiskey fans into believing that older is better, so maybe that could work here.

April Fool Scale: Trust The Process

Yes, I selected the first single barrel of Old Cassidy (and to date, the only release from the brand), but I don’t have any insider information on what Rare Character will do to follow up that inaugural release. That said, I have my own ideas about what I’d like to see for future releases from the brand, but older liquid seems squarely within the realm of possibility.