Heather Graham on cutting ties with parents who disapproved of ‘Boogie Nights’ role

Actor Heather Graham has spoken out about her relationship with her parents, and cutting ties with them once her career took off.

In a new interview with The Guardian, Graham shared her experiences in Hollywood throughout the ‘90s and early ’00s, as well as recalling her family’s feelings about her acting roles.

Graham grew up in the Santa Monica mountains north of Los Angeles. Her father worked for the FBI, and her mother was a teacher before going on to write children’s books. Her younger sister is also now an actor and director. The star cut all contact with them in her mid-20s.

Regarding their reaction to her starring in the 1988 black comedy Heathers, which led to her moving out of her family home, she said: “My parents vetoed it. I kind of became my own person and discovered: ‘What do I like? What do I want when I’m not under this very judgmental, authoritarian, parental, patriarchal structure? What do I want to do? What do I think of this?’”

She continued: “My father’s really religious, and they were, especially my father, very critical of everything I was doing.

“It didn’t feel like a healthy dynamic. I stopped talking to them and, I have to say, that was a huge relief. I felt like, at that moment, my life opened up with a freedom. I didn’t need to please them.”

“I feel like I wasn’t brought up to have a deep sense of self-esteem, and I think as I detached from my family, I built my own sense of self-esteem,” she added. “Sort of like a detective, I went through my past and looked at how I developed certain ways of thinking that weren’t the healthiest, and basically just went on a journey to be happier.”

Speaking about her family’s attempts to contact her over the years, Graham said: “There was an effort made, but it was always very judgmental like: ‘Let me give you the number of the priest and you can go to confession.’ I just think we’re really different. They have a lot of great qualities – it’s just not a healthy dynamic for me.”

Graham has been acting since she was 17, after her first big film role in teen comedy License To Drive. She went on to star in movies including Twin Peaks, Swingers, and Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, and garnered acclaim for playing porn actor Rollergirl alongside Mark Wahlberg in Paul Thomas Anderson’s Boogie Nights.

In the interview, the star also opened up about her experiences working with Harvey Weinstein, the disgraced movie mogul who is currently serving a 16-year jail sentence following a 2022 California rape conviction, and being retried in New York after his 2020 rape conviction was overturned.

She recalled being shown a pile of scripts by Weinstein, essentially being offered the chance to pick a film to star in. Some time later she was asked to meet the former film executive in his hotel room, which she refused. “I was like, I can’t do this. And then he never worked with me again,” she said.

Graham can currently be seen with Julia Stiles in romantic comedy Chosen Family, available on digital platforms now, which she also wrote and directed.

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